Unobtainable Love
by polkadotbikini
Summary: He inched forward, and I would have done the same, but besides from the fact that I felt completely paralyzed, I had other things on my mind, like trying to remember how to breathe.


A/N: Um... ok this is my first fanfic so go easy on me ok?? I also want to take this time since you guys are already reading this, to say that I heard from havana luna that clavel is leaving !!! So sad. We'll miss you Alex!!! Anyways.... Yeah.... Umm, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Jesse (although I'm sure a lot of us girlies wish we did... lol) or any of the characters from the Mediator Series for that matter.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unobtainable Love 

I laid in bed staring at the roof of my canopy. I was thinking of Jesse. I was always thinking of Jesse. I thought of his liquid brown eyes, his smooth, silky voice, and let's not forget those fabulous abs.

It must have been at least a couple hours before something snapped me away from my thoughts. Spike. He had entered through the open window, his small figure brushing against the moon-streaked curtains.

Finally, after a few more hours of thinking about Jesse, I finally dozed off.

When I awoke, I found myself face to face with the cowboy. I hadn't seen him since our kiss in the graveyard.

"Susannah," he greeted me, sprawled out on the window seat, his book in hand.

"Um, hi Jesse." I mumbled.

We sat there through at least ten minutes of awkward silence before Jake hollered up the stairs threatening that if I wasn't in the car in five minutes, I'd be walking to school.

"Oh shit!" I cursed under my breath, jumping out of bed and shooting into the bathroom.

Jesse was gone when I came out. I guess it was a good thing because I was having trouble getting into Jake's car in one piece, and I didn't need all the distractions.

It was late when I finally came home from those stupid shifting lessons with Paul. Jesse was in his usual spot on the window seat, Spike in his lap, his nose buried in his book.

"Hello," Jesse greeted me with a nod, as we climbed out onto the roof where we wouldn't be interrupted.

"Hi." I replied, my voice going to that high-pitched ring.

"How was school?" He asked politely.

"Fine."

We sat there and talked about almost everything we could have possibly talked about for a good hour or so.

It was chilly outside. An icy breeze blew by and I shivered. I guess Jesse noticed because before I knew it, I had cuddled up close to him. I was quite surprised to tell you the truth. He usually didn't let me get very close. The only other time was during the festival.

Jesse gazed at me with his liquid brown eyes. I found myself paralyzed, unable to move, unable to break away from his gaze. He inched forward, and I would have done the same, but besides from the fact that I felt completely paralyzed, I had other things on my mind, like trying to remember how to breathe. By the time I remembered, Jesse was an inch away from my face, and I forgot how to breathe all over again.

Jesse covered my mouth with his. He actually kissed me. I even threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back. It wasn't one of those big, tongue locking, saliva exchanging kisses, no, it was a soft, gentle kiss. But it wasn't one of those small pecks on the cheek, kind of thing either. No, this was a real kiss. It was... amazing.

"Querida," he whispered, running a hand through his silky black hair. "I... I... love you." Jesse stammered. Jesse... stammering? Yeah right. But that was so not the point. Jesse had finally said the words I wanted to hear for so long. He had told me he loved me.

There was an awkward silence between us. A moment passed before I realized Jesse was waiting for me to respond. I looked down at my feet, trying to hide how furiously I was blushing.

"Jesse, I... I..." I managed to mumble, still staring at my feet. I couldn't tell him. As much as I really loved him, I knew I couldn't tell him so. I had discussed this with Father Dominic before. He had told me to be careful, that things like this shouldn't and couldn't happen. He was right. As much as I would have loved to disagree, he was right. Jesse and I could never be. I felt my eyes well up with tears, threatening to trickle down.

I bit down on my tongue hard, to keep myself from telling him.

I told him what Father Dom had said.

"Jesse," I said. "You know Father Dominic is right." I never thought I would be the one to say something like that. As those words left my lips, the hope of any chance Jesse and me might have together were gone.

"Yes, Susannah, I know."

"I'm sorry, Jesse," I whispered faintly.

Another moment passed between us before I heard Jesse sigh and dematerialize.

He was gone.

The next few weeks were terrible. It took all my energy to stop myself from crying, and trying to keep myself that way was just as hard.

The next time I found Jesse, he was down at the beach. A special spot on the beach, where I would come and think, where I would go and solve my problems and give myself time to collect my thoughts and, well, a place to just be able to keep to yourself.

The beach was very unpopulated by the time I got there, but I noticed my usual spot was occupied by someone else. Jesse.

He didn't notice me until I had plopped myself down beside him, and even then, he didn't exactly acknowledge my presence. I wanted to apologize.

"Jesse," I whispered.

"Do not burden yourself with my problems, Susannah." He said. He sounded hurt.

More awkward silences.

"But Jesse, I-"

"Do not worry about it Susannah. I was foolish to think you would return feelings like that." He almost yelled, scaring me a bit. I jumped at the suddenness of his fury.

He noticed this and settled down. "Forgive me, Susannah." Jesse said, this time in a faint whisper. His expression was apologetic.

I broke away from his gaze and glanced over to look at the ocean. The sun, just about to set, the top half peeking over the horizon. Its brightness reflecting on the ripples of water.

I turned to look at him. That broke my heart. That was as much as I could take. I couldn't bear seeing Jesse in such pain, and knowing that that pain was caused by me, made it all worse.

I sunk down in the sand beside him, flinging my arms around his neck. I tried to say something. By the time I had calmed myself, there was only one thing to say. I felt the words leave my lips, but it took a moment before I realized I had said it.

"I love you too."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: What cha guys think? Sorry about the spelling mistakes and bad grammar. I don't know if I should take much pride in this story. Reviews are appreciated, but like I said, this is my first fanfic so take it easy on me ok?


End file.
